We’ve all had one of those days when what we can say in the workplace simply won’t express our true feelings.

The folks at The Manbottle Library have come up with a list which barely scratches the surface of thoughts we’ve all experienced at times.

Take these with a giant grain of salt.

• Ahhh… I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again…
• I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
• How about never? Is never good for you?
• I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
• I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
• I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
• I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message…
• I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
• It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
• I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.
• I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
• You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
• I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.
• I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
• I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
• Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
• The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
• Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental…
• What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
• I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
• It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
• Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
• No, my powers can only be used for good.
• You sound reasonable… Time to up the medication.
• Who me? I just wander from room to room.
• And your crybaby whiny-ass opinion would be…?
• Do I look like a people person?
• This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
• I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
• You!… Off my planet!
• Does your train of thought have a caboose?
• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
• A PBS mind in an MTV world.
• Allow me to introduce my selves.
• Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
• Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
• Not all women are annoying. Some are dead.
• I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
• A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
• I often wake up screaming then realize I’m not asleep?
  
• Can I trade this job for what’s behind door one?
• Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
• Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
• Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
• How do I set a laser printer to stun?
• I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.
• If I throw a stick, will you leave?
• Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
• I’m sorry, but you seem to have mistaken me for someone who cares. ( Suggested by Maddoktor2 )
  
• Here’s a quarter. Go call someone who gives a shit. ( Suggested by Maddoktor2 )
• We’re not satisfied until you’re not satisfied. ( Suggested by philosophyzombi )

Feel free to add to this list with a comment below. The top comments will be added to this ongoing list.